Chick-fil-a Double Down

“Nick, why do you do this to yourself?”

“Well, Andy… I don’t know.”

What I also don’t know is why someone would get a double down from Chick fil A. Now, most acknowledge the double down to consist of two chicken breasts, bacon, choice of cheese ( I opted for pepper jack cheese), and a removal of any bun from the operation. I thought a  side of ~ garden herb ranch~ to really ranch it up a notch might be a clever idea… mmm can you taste that xanthan gum!

First and foremost, I enjoy a quality Chick fil A sandwich just like the average Joe. I put my pants on one leg at a time, you know? And I don’t plan on this discouraging me from purchasing a delicious chicken egg and cheese biscuit in the future. 

BUT THIS WAS A STRUGGLE. 

First bite impression: pure grease. 

Second bite impression: pure grease with a hint of…what is that, bacon?

Lather, rinse, repeat. I could feel the grease collecting on my lips, “When do yous guys wanna slide off onto his new pair of pants and ruin them?” they said in a not so discreet Brooklyn accent. Not today, suckas. I felt dirty and slightly ashamed while eating. Dirty like a ‘have to stop and use a gas station bathroom because I can’t hold it until I got home’. Through each bite I thought, ‘surely it gets better’. But it never did. The introduction of a pocket of cheese only served to add to growing discomfort in my stomach. The bacon must’ve had some odd additive because it had an almost plastic-like taste. I can’t help but feel like they could do a better job with the bacon. They absolutely nailed the chicken breasts though. Very juicy and well breaded. If I learned anything, it was that the unsung hero of a chicken sandwich is the bun.

***PRO TIP*** Have a cup of Zep® Commercial Heavy-Duty Citrus Degreaser on hand to cleanse your intestines immediately after eating.

Oh, do you remember that ranch I got on a whim? Yeah, well, it tasted terrible. Any more than one bite of it would have summoned an intestinal gas bubble so large that its expulsion would have blown a hole in my pants and potentially shook the earth off its axis. Maybe on a wrap it’s tasty, but not on this monstrosity. Interestingly enough, after I ate everything, I didn’t feel like I was close to death at any point. Only the slight swelling of fingers and lethargy. Should I be worried, or is that related to their food quality? Maybe I should be worried because before throwing away everything I ate all the bits of fried breast breading stuck in the corners of the bag. Oops.

Pros: The chicken breasts were of excellent quality. Sometimes Chick fil A can give you dry, gimpy breasts with lots of fat that causes you to be sad.

Cons: Waaaaaaay too greasy for me. It made me appreciate their buttered buns, however. The bacon was a let down as well. 
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Final Verdict: Don’t try to be Mr. Cool and get this just to show off to that cutie you’ve had your eye on. You’ll slink away, a greased stained slubberdegullion, smelling like a deep fryer from your local Chick fil A. Not worth the $9 you’ll likely pay for this.